June 2012
27 posts
(I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
(The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
(The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”
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I've become so accustomed to tumblr that instead...
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Advertising Threat →
SCREAMING
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This morning......
Dad: IT'S 6:45 AM, VY! WAKE UPPP! GOTTA GET READY TO TAKE THAT TEST!
My Breakfast: I'M GONNA BE THE SOGGIEST CEREAL YOU'VE EVER EATEN. BWAHA.
Traffic: Oh, you're leaving now? I think I'll be nice and let you through.
Traffic: OR NOT.
Traffic: Oh look, FIVE SEMIS WOULD FIT PERFECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU.
Traffic: Hey, here's an exit. I'll have them leave.
Traffic: NOW THERE ARE NO MORE EXITS FOR THE NEXT 10 MILES. TIME TO THROW IN A DISTRACTED AND TEXTING DRIVER. OR TEN.
Traffic: I don't hear cries of despair. What...OH I KNOW, I'LL THROW IN ROAD CONSTRUCTION.
Traffic: OH HEYYY, MORE SEMIS TO JOIN THE PARTY.
Traffic: Nope, 50 mph is too fast. I'LL HAVE YOU GUISE GO 10, OKAY?
Traffic: ah...I'm done, here's a detour. THROUGH DAEDALUS'S LABYRINTH.
Traffic: Kay, I really am done.
Dad: Oh my GAWD. We're here. Thirty minutes late.
Procter: Oh, that test is NEXT week. The SAT's are this week.
Me: ..........
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OH MY GOD OKAY SO I WAS AT MY FRIEND NICK’S HOUSE AND HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO HIS PARENTS AND HE SAID “mom dad i’m straight…” AND THEY LOOKED SO CONFUSED BUT THEN HE SAID “STRAIGHT UP BISEXUAAAAAALLLLL” AND LEAPED OUT OF THE ROOM I’M NOT JOKING THIS IS HIS IDEA OF COMING OUT I’M GOING TO PISS.
laugh-addict:
it could be worse your mom could always be
MRS. BENSON
imagine if someone liked me romantically oh my god
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Waterbending
purple-platypus-bear:
Expectation:
Reality:
lawl
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Here's what I heard when Stark met Banner in the...
Tony: LET'S BE BFF ALWAYS
Bruce: But I could kill you all and I wouldn't even be able to control myself-
Tony: BFF
Bruce: You're not getting the severity of the situation-
Tony: BEST
Bruce: Mr. Stark you have to-
Tony: FRIENDS
Bruce: Tony-
Tony: FOREVER
Car rides with Asian parents.
nannasee:
Lecture
Story about their past
Lecture
Story about your future.
Lecture
Comparing you to all your friends/cousins.
Lecture
Gossip
Perfect time for a lecture.
May 2012
117 posts
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lukehasmeowmix:
Running for your life
From Shia Labeouf
He’s brandishing a knife
It’s Shia Labeouf
Lurking in the Shadoooooooows
Hollywood Superstar Shia Labeouf
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Goals for me this summer...
I’m gonna finally get to learning that guitar. There’s a wonderful Alvarez acoustic hanging around in Narnia somewhere that’s begging to be played.
Actually try to work out. It won’t kill me…I think.
Get back in touch with people I have fallen out of touch with. I MISS ALL OF YOUSE. every single one.
Make it memorable.
So here I go!
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Les Miserables
The movie trailer gave me goosebumps. OMG. Gotta finish reading the book before December 7th.
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buttcamp:
have you ever just listened to a recording of you talking and then felt terrible for anyone who’s ever had to talk to you ever
srlsy, why does anyone ever talk to me. whoa, why do I even have FRIENDS.
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“I woke up this morning and saw all these things about me being cast in The...”
– Robert Pattinson on rumors about being cast as Finnick Odair (x)
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I have the sex appeal of a potato
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