• (I work in a Coffee Shop. I was on break in the lobby when a couple walks in. Directly behind them is a cute little boy in Batman costume.)
• Me: “Oh my God! It’s BATMAN!”
• (The boy stops, strikes a pose and starts looking around menacingly. After a few seconds, he approaches the counter.)
• Mother: “Jeff, would you like a chocolate milk?”
• Boy: “I am not Jeff. I am The Batman.”
• Mother: “The Batman, would you like a chocolate milk?”
• Boy: “Yes. Yes, The Batman would.”
• (The couple pays while the boy sits down with his chocolate milk. He keeps a stern look on his face as he sips the drink.)
• Boy: *sips* “Gotham is safe.”

 

SCREAMING

• Dad: IT'S 6:45 AM, VY! WAKE UPPP! GOTTA GET READY TO TAKE THAT TEST!
• My Breakfast: I'M GONNA BE THE SOGGIEST CEREAL YOU'VE EVER EATEN. BWAHA.
• Traffic: Oh, you're leaving now? I think I'll be nice and let you through.
• Traffic: OR NOT.
• Traffic: Oh look, FIVE SEMIS WOULD FIT PERFECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU.
• Traffic: Hey, here's an exit. I'll have them leave.
• Traffic: NOW THERE ARE NO MORE EXITS FOR THE NEXT 10 MILES. TIME TO THROW IN A DISTRACTED AND TEXTING DRIVER. OR TEN.
• Traffic: I don't hear cries of despair. What...OH I KNOW, I'LL THROW IN ROAD CONSTRUCTION.
• Traffic: OH HEYYY, MORE SEMIS TO JOIN THE PARTY.
• Traffic: Nope, 50 mph is too fast. I'LL HAVE YOU GUISE GO 10, OKAY?
• Traffic: ah...I'm done, here's a detour. THROUGH DAEDALUS'S LABYRINTH.
• Traffic: Kay, I really am done.
• Dad: Oh my GAWD. We're here. Thirty minutes late.
• Procter: Oh, that test is NEXT week. The SAT's are this week.
• Me: ..........

amethystarcher:

drunkartie:

nom-chompsky:

kyssthis16:

kit-kat-o-graham:

alcoholicgifts:

merlinsbearddd:

dionthesocialist:

yeezysdisciple:

hamburgerjack:

ai-yo:

sooolondon:

yeezysdisciple:

cherishherthoughts:

There is no “U” in Freedom.

Its called English and not American for a reason. Get with the U America  

Exactly!!!!!!

And this is a biscuit

and this is jelly

and these are called crisps

Get it right

You’re all freaks. We rebeled for a reason.

yall wasn’t talking all that shit when we whooped that ass back in the 1700’s

step to us one more gin see don’t we do it again. 

Don’t forget who had your back during WWII.

Literally my fave thing about the USA is how we said “fuck your redcoat language” when England acted stupid and made weird changes like dropping the U (and other stuff)

have we all conveniently forgotten who else uses the u?